Peace out 2014. It’s been real.

Here, I sit with a bun on my head and an appalling amount of green clay I’ve globbed onto my face. I call it a “mask.” Here, I sit basking in the light of my beautifully decorated Christmas tree, soaking it in while reminiscing on the past year. Tis the very end of year number 20, for moi. And as usual, I like to recap all the things I’ve experienced, both good and bad. The year 2014 started off hopeful, with the knowledge that nothing could be worse than 2013. And that has held true so far. When 2013 turned the corner and I saw 2014 as the light at the end of the tunnel I knew things would be far better than I could have hoped for…and I can’t say that I was wrong. Although 2014 brought its own new challenges, like living off campus, finding a place to park, actually working my butt off to get good grades, and trying to find a place to fit in…. I found that 2014 also brought its own new blessings, like learning how to get creative when I know I’m about to be late for class, and discovering how to position things in my room to block out the light of zooming cars out my window and the beeps, caused from less intelligent people driving on the wrong side of my one way street. The year brought much greater blessings than these, and the ones I’ve ignored are much too good to even try to put into words. You’ll just have to take my word for it. It was a splendid, lovely year. Now that I’m (partially) done bragging I have to review my bucket list and see if I actually did the things I told myself I would. Fingers crossed that I accomplished all (or at least most) of that list.

Voila! I’ve found it.

  1. Find a Hike: FAIL. To be completely honest, I don’t even think I tried.
  2. Accumulate vintage items: SEMI-ACCOMPLISHED. I bought an old Polaroid camera, that worked for only about a total of 4 pictures, the rest was just wasted and incredibly expensive film. I also got an old ring from my Nana, which is gorgeous and much more practical then a crappy camera, no offense. I’m stilling praying it will eventually work again.
  3. Bookstore: ACCOMPLISHED. I found a few, actually. Apparently Words on Wheels was a hit for me.
  4. Favorite book: ACCOMPLISHED. Jesus Calling. I read it everyday and so far no book has been better.
  5. Musication: SEMI-ACOMMPLISHED. I love having random songs sent to me, and I’ve received an assortment of music from an eclectic range of people. The most memorable songs of the year, for me, are: Dollhouse by Melanie Martinez, Bad Intentions by Niykee Heaton, Who Do We Think We Are by John Legend, and more that I’ll have to share in another post. Warning these songs are not really normal.
  6. Write a song: FAIL. I write them in my head… Does that count?
  7. Drive in theater: FAIL: Still waiting for someone to take me on a date to Coyote Drive In….
  8. Attend a concert: ACCOMPLISHED! Thanks to my great friend Lesli who won free Justin Timberlake concert tickets. Love ya, Les. And also Stagecoach, and of course Stagecoach again next year is already booked.
  9. Dress up: ACCOMPLISHED. I stuck to it. Rarely ever dressed poorly (or at least what I considered poorly, don’t ask my roommates if they agree), partially because I stopped working out the past 3 months because I was sick and kept pushing it off and I knew even if I put on work out clothes I wouldn’t make it to the gym. Next year I have to dress business casual EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
  10. Get a job: ACCOMPLISHED… let me repeat. I have to dress business casual EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. At least I get my own binder and my own business cards. I have to brush up on my persuasion skills because as a new TCU Student Media Account Executive, I have to sell ads like there’s no tomorrow.

And so, I’d like to think I had a very well rounded year. Stayed in the grey area for the most part. I guess I finally realized that not everything is black or white. And while that may be kind of boring, it was exactly what I needed before entering my next year, my 21st. Cheers!

Preview For Next Blog Post: I plan on doing a short year recap with a couple pictures and ending with a list of tips I’ve learned throughout the past year. For readers who are actively paying attention, let me know if there is anything else I should (or shouldn’t…) post. Thanks and Happy Holidays.

Advertisements

Monday Blues, but Posi-Vibes

I’ve been having a rough transition getting back into the school grove since Fall Break. I’m feeling a little unmotivated, stressed out, and blah. And I am seriously questioning where I am going in life. What am I even good at? Why did I pick this major? Will I ever actually get a job? Anyway, my overthinking will be the death of me. So today… I’ve decided to give us all a little motivation. Sending positive vibes your way.

1. Drinking tea makes you feel better, remember that. If you don’t believe me check out this page and also check out this photo that explains what tea cures what problem! qsOU4D7

2. Tell yourself you are creative, important, and are interested in creating a radiant future. And believe that you can.

3. Tell yourself “I have friends that love me.” Dig deeper and look at the small things that make you feel better and be a little more thankful to those around you who support you in little ways or big ways too. Maybe write them a small thank you note.

4.Congratulate yourself for your own accomplishments. You aced that super hard test! You are a star! You didn’t do as well as you thought? Who cares? You tried. Gold star! Did you get out of bed today? I am so proud of you.

5. Say it aloud. “Fear is a feeling; it cannot hold me back.”

6. Know that you can control your thoughts. It takes practice. It takes time. And let me tell you it sure as hell takes a lot of energy, but you can do it.

7. Just think. By reading this you’re already taking a step in the right direction. You are learning so much more about yourself and are appreciating life in little bits. And that is rad. It really is!

8. Exercise to maintain your physical and mental health. Just do it.

9. Somewhere, anywhere, I don’t care where. Write it. Write I am worthy. Write it on your body, in your planner, in your wallet, on your ceiling. Seriously, but if you can please write it in sharpie.

10. Lastly, write all of this on your mirror or somewhere that you look at everyday. Write this in your own words. Look up more. Make up your own. Just make sure to remind yourself, daily, that you are beautiful, wonderful, and loved.

tumblr_m0dbepbg1B1qfdwsio1_500

P.S. This is the verse of the day. I just looked it up and I am so glad it complements my post today.

The word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
—Hebrews 4:12

Love,

Tara

Home Sweet Home

Today was the first time I called my room in my TCU dormitory home. I don’t exactly remember the sentence it was used in, but I do remember stopping and thinking wow it feels nice to be back into a place I can call home. TCU has been such a lovely place to me in the past few weeks and I have always felt that this atmosphere was exceedingly inviting and lovely in a close-knit family (or just my sorority family, love you big) type of way. I always thought of TCU as my home during my freshman year. I thought it would be the same sophomore year. But as I returned to school uninterested in what I would title it, I realized that adjusting back into a routine and undecorated room was unfulfilling. I was lacking in some aspect and I couldn’t quite pinpoint what exactly that missing puzzle piece was.Image

I was extremely close to God at that time as I was searching for some comfort and stability in which I found in Him. I am grateful that I had a permanent reminder of his presence infused into my own skin. I seek out to Him in fear, hope, praise, and gratitude. He responds slowly by offering up a token that has been incomplete in prior weeks. First, He granted me with the gift of gratefulness. I am utterly pleased with the classes I am in and the stimulating and challenges professors I have the opportunity to learn from. Thank you, baby Jesus. You rock.

Next, I was granted with the blessing of faithful friends. It bothers me to say that I wasn’t initially content with the way things were going with my friends for the first week and half of school. I love them and I just did not feel that the love was reciprocated. Well, I was not surprisingly wrong. I was quick to judge and wrongly assume that the way we express fondness and affection can be drastically different. Unexpectedly, this was the hardest blow for me to overcome. I was jealous of the tight bond I once was a part of and upon my return I felt left out, like I didn’t belong. That only caused me to retreat. Luckily, I was finding that backtracking and neglecting the problem were not going to make things better. From there on out we decided to allow each other to openly express our feelings in an all-understanding way. I appreciate that communication and I now find myself in a comfortable and harmonious relationship with the friends I can confidently call family.

So far my finalizing gift is the ability to overcome extreme worry.

Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Psalm 55:22 NIV

Exactly what I needed to hear and I feel responsible for sharing it with others, aka you readers. Do not worry for He is always present and always guiding your path. Recently while just starting to read Eat Pray Love, I discovered a quote I found interesting and maybe a little abstract.

But why must everything always have a practical application? I’d been such a diligent soldier for years—working, producing, never missing a deadline, taking care of my loved ones, my gums and my credit record, voting, etc. Is this lifetime supposed to be only about duty? In this dark period of loss, did I need any justification for learning Italian other than that it was the only thing I could imagine bringing me any pleasure right now?

This popped out at me. I am not quite sure why yet, but I feel like there is more to it than what’s on the print and paper. Sometimes when you are feeling lost it is necessary to be your own devil’s advocate. Find yourself, ground yourself, and assure yourself. Life is made for you; you are not made to conform to societal pressures. You are capable of finding what makes you happy, what makes your mind climb higher than its limits, to let your words flow freely. Life is what you make of it. So incredibly cliché it almost makes me cringe. I can’t portray that in a more straightforward way. We mustn’t worry so much about what others think or what we are and are not capable of. We are capable of anything and stressing about it can only hold us back. My challenge for the week (maybe year, maybe lifetime) is to let go of the worry and let God guide me to my given path. Easier said than done, but always worth a try.

To tie things together I examine what I am blessed with here at TCU and what I look forward to receive throughout my time here. I smiled at myself when I heard the word “home” slip out of my lips today. I am content. I am finally home.

A book titled 2014

Its only page 22 of this crazy book

Life isn’t always as scary as it looks

We fall and we cry but we get back up again

We laugh and we smile to feel the tingling of our skin

 

Page 22 it’s too early for mistakes

For men or for life to be taken away

Too early for giving up or saying no

But it’s not too late to say “hello”

 

Forget your fears maybe pretend you don’t care

And soon you’re already half way there

Tell that bitch to take a hike

Don’t give in to the things you dislike

 

Now is your chance to start brand new

Remember it is only page 22

You have 343 more to go to find yourself

And save yourself from your personal hell

 

This is a happy song to renew your soul

A private book for only you to know

Jot down your thoughts

Let your mind speak free

Don’t lift your hand of that paper

Find out what its like to be who you really want to be

 

Page 22 and time is turning

Don’t forget to stop learning

Listen closely and look to see

What’s in store for page 23.

What To Do, What To Do.

I will be returning to Texas in a few days and I have decided that right now is a perfect time to set goals (or just things I would like  to do) for the upcoming semester. So here it is. I gave it a shot. Let me know if you have any other suggestions. I would love to add to my list.

1. Find a decent hike in Fort Worth. Coming from California where there are beautiful mountain hikes and beach walks I am determined to find a hike that is just as rigorous as a mountain climb or just as peaceful as a sandy sunset stroll. Considering that Texas is flatter than flat, I will see what I can find. l will keep you posted.

Image

2. Attain a few vintage items. As I am currently obsessing over the regular vintage items (polaroid camera, record player, typewriter) I am curious what I can find in a little poe-dunk store with some hidden gems. Sorry Urban Outfitters I don’t think I can afford your modernized vintage items, although I do admire them from afar. I quite enjoy some throwback music, mostly the Beatles, but maybe I’ll find a few new favorites. I also would love to master the perfect pinup due or long luscious wavy hairstyle. If you want to see what I am talking about check out my new board on Pinterest.

3. Search for the perfect book store. So far out of all the book stores I have been in I have only one favorite. That would be the underground book store at the ever so lovely University of Chicago. If you happen to find yourself in the beautifully aged university I would recommend trying to find that secret passage before they close it down. Meanwhile, I think it will be an interesting mission to find my own secret place.

4. Find a new favorite book. Going along with the above topic, it is about time I start referring to my favorite book as something other than the Sarah Dessen books I read religiously. I mean I still enjoy a good read, but I am looking for a novel that is just as intoxicating yet a little more sophisticated, if you know what I mean. Any good suggestions?

Image

5. Get a music education. I currently have about 100 songs in my iTunes. Pretty pathetic, huh? I am hoping someone will sacrifice some time to give me a musication. I also have a habit of playing the same 10 songs over and over again. Someone please help me.

6. Write a song. Well, I can barely play the piano and I definitely cannot sing. Although, I do make my friends suffer with my frequent singing off tune, with incorrect lyrics, and always being a half second off with every word. Anyway, I have written a few songs, well poems really, but I am hoping to add some melodies and connect the dots. I have a friend who is willing to help write and musically accompany me. Let’s see if she will let me sing the duet with her.

7. Go to the drive-in theater. A new addition to Fort Worth that I haven’t been able to try. And I fully intend on finding a good movie to tempt me into the drive-in movie, preferably with a date, but I will take what I can get.

Image

8. Attend a concert. I used to hate country music with every bone of my body. I thought it was the most awful thing and I refused to listen to it. But I found myself in Texas, and let me tell you country music is absolutely unavoidable. And I will tell you another thing, if you ever find yourself in Texas for quite some time you will learn to love country music and you may even buy cowboy boots. I did and I do not regret it. So with Billy Bob’s down the street I will make a bigger effort to get my booty there and do some two-stepping, country music concert listening. And with Austin only a few hours away there are a few concerts of plenty different genres that I would love to see.

9. Dress up. I should go at least a couple days a week in regular human clothes. Dress for success will have to be my new motto and motivator for some cute and stylish days. I probably will fall into the trap of oversized sorority shirts and heinous shorts in addition to some brightly colored nikes strapped on to our feet. I will tell you that I bought a pair of low key white and grey cheetah nikes and yes I will absolutely wear them at school. Sue me.

10. Get a job. I realize all these activities require a sufficient amount of money, one my bank account cannot fully support. Unfortunately, work is not my thing. I guess it will be an interesting journey trying to find a job that I will love, or at least tolerate.