n aspiring writer I feel like I should be constantly coming up with new ideas. Then I remembered there is this terribly tragic term we use that explains why I feel troubled about my inability to do so. The term is called writer’s block. I think I’ve had writer’s block for almost a year now. I let it slide under the bus and thought whatever, my blog is just a safe place to vent and record things. Recently, I’ve been thinking about it more. Can I actually make something out of this? Can I land a job with my writing skills? Nah. My writing is not as strong as it used to be. They weren’t kidding when they said, “use it or lose it.” Yikes!
Today, I sat in class and listened to an enrapturing presentation, which inevitably led to an inviting discussion afterward. Firehouse, an advertising agency in Dallas, came to my Channel Planning class and told us what the ad business is really about. I kept imagining a beautifully decorated office with a lot of open space and groups of people collaborating about crazy, unconventional, but totally thrilling ideas.
I paused for a second though. Every single day somebody asks me what I want to do after I graduate. I usually say something along the lines of “I don’t know” or “I want to work for Buzzfeed tbh,” Then I see the judgment in their eyes and the little smirk appear on their faces. Ugh. So then I go on and jokingly say “I want to be in The Devil Wears Prada.” Psst… this is not a joke. I really do want my life to be like that movie. I want to write of course and not be a tortured guinea pig that gets zero respect, but owns a newly rad wardrobe. I guess I want to be more like Andie Anderson from How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. She’s beautiful. She writes. She’s funny. And she gets the guy in the end. However, she quits her job. In fact, both her and Andy (Andrea from The Devil Wears Prada) quit their jobs in the end. Quick side note: I just realized they have the same name! Crazy!!! Okay, but back to reality. It’s almost the same storyline. They both quit because they wanted the freedom to write about whatever they wanted to write about. So do I. But I, unlike the two of them, would love to write about fashion and what it would be like to tortuously date a guy for ten days. That sounds fun. That sounds like me. Why do I get such poor reactions when I tell people I want to be like that? Is that too unconventional? Where is the creativity in that, huh?
Back to the presentation I had today. I was so into this daydream of what it would be like to work for an ad agency. I suddenly felt super anxious. How are these people coming up with such unbelievably great ideas? Am I going to be able to bring something to the table? Am I witty enough? Am I clever enough? Am I smart enough? Am I quick enough? Self-doubt consumed my thoughts and I lost track of what I should have been doing. I should have stood up, marched myself to the front of the class (after the presentation of course) and introduced myself to the two lovely speakers. I could find out how I could get an internship….a potential job. I chickened out. I wasted the whole day actually. I was too afraid to go to the career fair that lasted for like six hours and I made up some totally BS excuse to get out of it. I actually watched from a far. Like legit. I was running on the treadmill (yay me) and watching the interactions develop below me (the career fair was in the gym) and admiring outfits. How can you look so businessy and so hot at the same time? What is that?
Moral of the story is I don’t want to grow up. Lesson of this post is to be confident, put on my mini pencil skirt, throw on some heels, swipe on some lipstick and kick ass and take names.
P.S. Go see Straight Outta Compton if you haven’t already. Those are some lyrical and musical geniuses.